my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
