I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
