I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
