Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
