my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
