I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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