Im at strip club and am horny
just come out here and I will go home with you...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
