Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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