Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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