A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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