all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
