have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize