franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
