remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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