oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
