I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
