I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
