remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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