She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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