one might say we're banned from that church
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
