It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
