Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
