I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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