I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
