is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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