I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
pray to the hookup gods
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
