Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize