I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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