I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
