watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
