i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
