Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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