Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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