i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
