small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was CRYING into my vagina
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
