I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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