Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize