laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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