So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
