A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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