he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
