Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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