dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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