You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
