another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize