porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
