Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
