she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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