I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
