You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize