I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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