I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize