I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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