so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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