Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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