I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
