Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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