i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
