Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
