you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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