Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
