is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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