Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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