I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think my vagina is haunted
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I deserve this hangover.
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