So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
