Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
