marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
