Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
