Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
