we're blogging at a bar
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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