after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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