____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
