Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
