I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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