You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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