"it" just moved
My pussy is not your playground.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
