loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
