I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
