guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they're like a gay fantastic four
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
