he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
