Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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