there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
