i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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