She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
