dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I understand Curling. That high.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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