theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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