I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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