if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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