Banned from zoo.
Again?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
