He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
