there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize