My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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