I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
