Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize