I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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