What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
