So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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