u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
