Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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