He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
