feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
