I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
