Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
