so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The Olympian is in my bed
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