If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
