walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
