so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize