Girls should come with a carfax report
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
