I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
