I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
