fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
